Wow. The Day has come. The completely legitimate source “SatoshiNRH.com” has revealed the creator of Bitcoin and, well, it’s not the fairytale ending we expected.

Nope, Craig Wright is not satoshi. It’s not Ver, it’s not Hearn, it’s not Szabo. It’s not even the “fan-favorite” Dorian Nakamoto. According to SatoshiNRH dot com courtesy of Ivy McLemore & Associates dot com, Satoshi is just some loser lmao.

Meet Jensen Becker. Jensen is a 38 yr old pre-mature boomer that works consulting and sell entrepreneur e-books on Facebook. During his “edgy libertarian” phase Becker admits to creating Bitcoin in what he now treats as “a lapse in judgement”.

Reports indicate that Becker now believes “There are so many ways to make money in today’s society. We don’t need a revolution. Only neckbeards that don’t get laid want to kill the banks. Here is a little tip: The banks give loans and loans buy sports cars. Manifest your own reality.”

Jensen went on to explain he’s actually pretty disappointed with Bitcoin. “I made it what, 10 years ago? 11? Why is it still slow as shit. You can’t even use it it’s so expensive. What a joke. My consulting clients pay me through Venmo. I get it instantly.”

With this, the first recorded “reverse bank run” in history is taking place. Bitcoin maximalists worldwide are in a frenzy to bank their un-banked selves now that satoshi has told them it’s probably for the best. Banks aren’t the only ones to make out from this revelation. Jensen Satoshi Becker had some other advice to his followers:

“If you *really* want to invest your time into fake internet money, at least go for the coin that gets the job done. Look at NANO. So fast, so fee-less. It’s literally so much better than Bitcoin. Fuck, I wish I made NANO. Don’t buy Bitcoin, buy NANO. Wow.”

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