Just last week Bitcoin EXPLODED from $3,600 to $4,100. At that rate of growth, moon was certainly imminent, and coming in hot. Champagne bottles were queued to uncork, hookers on call, cocaine in transit. Top experts in market analysis, such as the Winklevoss Twins, Tom Lee, and Mr. God Emperor McAfee, all doubled down on their affirmations of lambos and moon in cryptoland.
This was until the last couple of days, when a highly coordinated attack stomped Bitcoin to the ground. Self proclaimed veterans, experts, and OGs on Reddit and Twitter recognize the role malicious actors are playing in driving Bitcoin all the way down. These individuals indicate that the attack on Bitcoin is being orchestrated by a conglomerate of Russian Whales, Bitcoin Cash personalities, and evil banks. Who is coordinating this, you ask? It gets worse. This attack is being manufactured at the top by the US Goverment, as a last ditch effort to protect their worthless fiat.
Losing $500 in a day means that, if the trend continues, Bitcoin will be WORTHLESS in just over a week. In two weeks, Bitcoin will be in the heavy negatives and bag holders will be in debt simply for holding Bitcoin.
Luckily, there are still good folks in the scene looking to educate crypto shills from financial ruin. Top analysts on /r/buttcoin, who have been calling for Bitcoin to drop to $0 since the $200 range, are rejoicing in their unadulterated genius in predicting the price movements of the past months. At press time, the resounding consensus is an affirmation that Bitcoin is, in fact, a ponzi scheme, and “salty butters” need to “dampeet” immediately.
Of course, for those who prematurely prepped for moon landing, the following steps are of utmost necessity: return champagne to the store, call up the hookers and kindly explain you no longer can afford their service, and grab a one-way flight out of country to evade the drug cartels. Of course, dump whatever you have left, too.
Sad day for the Bitcorn indeed.