There are countless projects in crypto tackling all kinds of problems (many of which that don’t actually exist). While many of these projects will fall before they achieve their aspirations, some will ultimately rain true as legitimate disrupters across dozens of niches. The newest success might have been born in the world of “findom”.

Madame BallCrusher has reported a massive boom in her business since she minted her own cryptocurrency. As Ms. BallCrusher’s business grew, she found herself tasked with solving a seemingly insurmountable problem: how to scale her business. You see, the scale of BallCrusher’s operations are confined to her own schedule. She can only financially dominate one client at a time, and with findom participation at an all-time high, BallCrusher fell behind demand from her clientele.

Madame BallCrusher has so graciously taken the time to sit down with “The Reallyest Realest News in Crypto” to talk about her business and explain the natural progression into crypto.

“Thanks for having me. I really love Bitcoin-is-the-Devil-dot-com. Yeah, so I’ve got my business booming as a financial dominatrix, which is great! But it’s hard work, and I can’t keep up with demand. The recession must be overdue because there are too many dudes with too much money to throw around.”

Our reporter agreed that the economy is probably just a few Trump tweets away from catastrophe.

“But anyways, so my business. Yeah. Typically, meet ups with my clients entail me “approaching” them near an atm and demanding them to give me funds. Sometimes, I demand more than we originally agreed on, to keep it authentic. If they pay a premium I will call them bitch tits and spit on them. The whole encounter only takes a few minutes, but that doesn’t account for what happens behind-the-scenes: coming to an agreement on boundaries, scheduling the meetup, and stuff like that.”

“And I just couldn’t keep up. I tried hiring some assistants to take on some of the work, but my clients want me to dominate them, not Curly Q from the corner. So that didn’t work. Then a friend told me that some dating app start ups were able to sucker investors into millions by incorporating cryptocurrency. What a brilliant idea, I thought! There is, of course, no overlap that gives crypto a legitimate reason to see use in a dating app, but they sucker in the VC dollars regardless. Why couldn’t I apply that to my business?”

“And so I did. I created Fucking Loser Coin. Now my clients have to purchase Fucking Loser Coin if they even want to begin trying to work out an encounter. They need to spend so much to see me, and better yet, I can demand they buy my crypto without even receiving anything in return. I control the supply and I can set the price to whatever I want. I don’t even have to leave the house to rake in dough anymore. Amazing. This is the future.”

We hope that Madame BallCrusher serves as an inspiration to the movers and shakers in the space to build out the cryptocurrency products and services that will surely change the world for the better.